real life wednesday {ramblings}

real life is taking place here today, as always.

baby girl is taking her morning nap.
clothes are being washed and dried.
dishes are piled up in the sink from breakfast.
Laine and her dolls are having a sleepover in the living room.
lunch will be made soon.
groceries need to be purchased.
my mind is reeling with thoughts, things that i wish were different, changes that i'd like to make happen.

that last item on the list, it seems lately that that is a common theme, one that i cannot shake.  don't get me wrong, i am thankful for this place that i am in, for this stage of my life, for this stage of life that we are in as a family.  but, i can't seem to shake a few things that play over and over again in my head. 

there are certain things that i would like to change about myself, habits that i'd like to change, new habits that i'd like to form.  often times i want to do something, know that whatever it may be is a good thing, but fail to follow through with it.  i often get into this funk and think that i can't really start anything new because i'm just not able to at this time and this stage of life.  i have other excuses that sound good to me as well, but really, they are probably just excuses.  i often don't feel that i have the freedom to do certain things for myself right now, go certain places, get into a new routine, or even fit anything new into our routine.  i have four children to care for every day (a huge blessing!), but that often leaves me feeling like there simply isn't any time for me.  between waking up, trying to do something with myself before all four children wake up, getting the kids up, preparing breakfast, getting everyone dressed and out the door by 7:45, running errands, morning nap for the youngest, laundry, lunch, cleaning, picking up the boys from school, assisting with homework for the boys, trying to help son #2 learn to read, taking everyone to baseball practice, running home to get dinner made and on the table, washing dishes, helping kids get ready for bed, and the list goes on and on...

i am not trying to complain, but to explain how i feel like there really isn't any room for anything else.  do any of you mommas feel the same?  by the time the children are in bed at night i'm exhausted and don't feel like doing much, and frankly the day is pretty much over, so what am i going to do anyway?

how in the world can i start something new and fit it into my daily life?  sure, i can wake up at 4 in the morning to workout, i guess i really could, but i guess i just don't really want to.  maybe that's when people do those sorts of things.  or sure, i'd like to have an afternoon of doing something else, something different, something not in my normal routine.  sure, i'd love to go to the doctors office with just one child, the one who is seeing the doctor so i can actually focus on what is going on there and what the doctor is saying. 

clearly i am living up to the title of this blog and just plain rambling.  i don't often don't say these things aloud, so maybe i just wanted to get that off my chest.  i also know that i am not the only momma out there who feels like this, who thinks like this.  i also know that someday when i have the freedom to do all of these other things i am going to miss these days of not really being able to these other things.  you know what i mean?


Spence Ohana said...

Friend, I can totally relate and I only have 2 kids! Last night after being at work from 10-7, doing James reading, getting the kids in bed...I just sat on the couch and felt completely exhausted (add some unsettling medical stress issues on top of that - I was spent!).

I too think the same thing, I could wake at 4am to exercise and give time to myself - sleep just sounds so much better. It's frustrating though. I've been wanting to drop 25lbs. for quite awhile now - it's just so hard to start new habits and get that ball rolling. Life is so busy.

One day, right friend? Maybe keeping your routine but having a change of scenery (hint! hint!) would be uplifting for you! And of course focusing on God's Word does that too!

Kari said...

I've been feeling the same way lately. Trying to find time for me is really hard. I just want to get my hair cut, but can't find the time to get it done. I know I need to take some time away for me because I'd be a better mom for it, but it's just so hard to do.
One day I know I'll look back and miss these days of little ones needing my help, wanting to sit on my lap, snuggling in my bed at night.
Keep your chin up. You're kids are so blessed to have such a great mom who loves them and devotes so much time and energy to them!